Another Curve in the Road

Hello Everyone,

I went to St. Marks today to have an ultrasound done.  What they discovered was a blood clot behind my left knee.  That is the reason that I have been having the swelling in the foot and leg.  So they put me on a couple of anti-clotting medications.  I will do some home injections and then cumadin?  I am not sure if that is how you spell it or not.  Anyway the docs want to put me on this for a period of six months to get me past "most " of the fallout from chemotherapy.  Then I will be re-evaluated to see if my clotting factor is down to normal.  This is most likely a result of the anemia and inconsistent heart beat. 

I am not sure what to think of this new development.  Along with everything else that is going on right now.  Sure I could whine about it.  Truthfully, to think about it all brings me to tears.  However, all I know to do is look to God and say Your will not mine be done.  I have so many desires that are contrary to my current experience, so many things that I would love to change.  I have no idea what the Lord is doing right now.  I have to trust Him though.  I have no other choice.  Not to trust Him would be to imply that He is not good.  That leads down a path that unravels the very goodness and meaning that there is in life. 

Truthfully I have no answers.  I don't know when or if I will be totally healed.  I don't know when the bed bugs will be gone.  I have no idea when we will get to see our family in Grand Junction again, not to mention family in other parts of the country that we would love to see.  I am so thankful for my wife and kids though.  We have had our tough times in the last months, but I see us staying together tight and loving each other.  I pray that we might be purified as one in this time of trial.  I want the girls to see that mom and dad still love and are looking to God during very rough times.  That He is worthy of our love and praise even when our flesh says that it doesn't make sense.  I have to remember God's goodness through Jesus.  Jesus is the evidence of God's goodness.  Even when the perfect storm of life rages we look to the Cross and remember with a smile the promise of eternal life that God has given us.  As Johnny Cash says " I am not going to hell".  It may sound funny to say it so plainly, but as bad as life here on earth can get, it will never be that bad.  Relief will come, either by deliverance or death.  For the believer there is an unshakable rock that we are placed in.  His name is Jesus.

I wanted to thank everyone that has been such a blessing to this family.  Whether by helping with the girls, food, or prayer, we are grateful for your intervention in our lives.  God bless you all.  I also want to take a minute and ask anyone that may be reading this.  If you have not gone to Jesus and asked for forgiveness of your sins, please do so now.  Life may seem great now.  You may ask," how could anything go wrong".  I will tell you from personal experience that I am glad that I asked Him to be my Lord before this series of trials hit.  I could not imagine going through this without faith in a God who knows my ultimate good.  He wants each of us to admit our sin, our need for Him, and our trust in Him.  No amount of my own "goodness" was going to prevent me from going through what I am right now.  Nor would it impress a perfect God who came in the form of man to redeem mankind.  Please, think about it.  I love you all.  May God richly bless you as you seek Him.